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GOTCHA! Chapter 6
I didn't know what was going to happen for the rest of the day, but I knew that I couldn't sleep now. I looked around my room and cleaned everything up. Then I went to the restaurant and drank coffee. I hated coffee. I had found some more paper, wanting to make a list of more things that I wanted to talk with the guys about, but what came out was a pros and cons list of reason to or not to get involved with AJ. Reasons to get involved with AJ McLean; reasons NOT to get involved with AJ McLean:
2.
He is adored by millions - jealousy 4.
He travels a lot 6.
He could just want sex 8.
How can anyone love me? That was it. That was all I had. The reasons on the 'not to' list were good, but not as good as number 9 on the 'to' list. However it was the fourth reason on the 'not to' list that was really holding me back. I was a very insecure person. Had been all my life. I had no ego and at times was very down on myself. I wasn't over weight, people had told me that I was beautiful, but I just couldn't accept it. I sat at the table in the hotel restaurant staring at the lists and drinking as much coffee as I could. It was around 9:00am that they finally found me. "Erin! There you are, it's time to go." Nick said from behind me. "We are piling on the bus, drivin' to the next city." he laughed making a driving motion with his hands. He pulled out my chair and helped me gather my things. "Let's go." I replied, you could hear how tired I was. "Is everything okay?" he asked with concern. "Yeah, I just haven't gotten any sleep." I replied. "No sleep? But your flight out yesterday was at like seven in the morning." "I know. I was up at 4:00am. I have been up for almost thirty hours." I announced. "I think that it is starting to hit me." "Is there something wrong?" "No ... yeah ... no, I just have some things that I need to figure out. I'll be fine." I mumbled. Nick let it go, but he gave me a look that let me know if I wanted to talk, he was there for me. We all piled on the bus. AJ and I looked at each other as soon as I was on the bus. If you were an innocent party in all of this, you would swear that we were having a lover's quarrel. I put my stuff down on the table, intending to do some more work. I wanted to make a list of rules for the guys and myself. Didn't happen, I took one look around, saw that everyone was more awake than I was and knew that I had to get some sleep. "Guys, is there a bed I can use? I haven't had any sleep yet, and I think I am about to collapse." I asked as I stood up. The sudden rush combined with the movement of the bus, made me dizzy, all five guys rushed over to grab me before I fell, AJ reached me first. When his hands touched me, I felt a jolt of electricity run through me. "You can use mine. Come on." He said quietly. He led me to the back of the bus where his bunk was and helped me to get in. "Sleep tight." he whispered kissing me lightly on the cheek. I was dead to the world, before my head hit the pillow. My dreams, of course, were filled with AJ. Good and bad. I had good dreams of us being together and everything working out. I had bad dreams of us not working out and it affecting the whole group. The last thing that I wanted was to come between these guys. I was so tired that I had forgotten my list of Reasons to/not to get involved with AJ McLean were still with my other papers. Right on top. It wasn't until I heard peace and quite that I realized that the bus had stopped. I rolled over and stretched. I felt better, not a hundred percent, but better. I also noticed that everyone was gone. I bolted up and smacked my head on the roof of AJ's bunk. "Shit!" I said loudly,
instantly rubbing my head. I jumped down and went out front. That was
where I saw AJ sitting with my lists. I sat down beside him, and upon
noticing what was in his hands, I panicked. "You weren't supposed
to see that." "They are in having something to eat. I wanted to talk with you about this little list." he said. I couldn't tell if he was happy about it or not. I decided that the best thing to do was be brave about it, "What about it?" "Well, for starters, I am glad that you are comfortable around me and feel safe." "That was the first thing that I
noticed. When I arrived here, I was the most comfortable with you. For
the last few months I have lusted after all of you guys, would have done
anything for you, but that first day, it was you that I was drawn
to." I explained. "That is what makes this hard for me. I know
what I feel in my heart, but my head is telling me to slow down and let
things happen on their own. If we were meant to be together, we will
be." "Why wouldn't someone love you?" he asked. "I don't know. When I was growing up, the boys were always mean to me. I have a very bad self-esteem thing. It is hard to over come." I informed him "I would like to help you try. If
you will let me." He whispered. "Yeah, that's what Kevin told me. It was just a quick thing that bounced into my head. I had to be sure that I was looking after what was good for me." I explained. "You talked with Kevin about this?" "Uhm ... yeah." I wasn't sure if I should tell him about knowing what happened at the pool, but then I decided that we needed to start this relationship with honesty. "After the show, when we got back here and you guys headed to the pool, I went in search of a video camera. I thought that this would be a good time to start. So I got Kevin's camcorder and headed for the pool. By the time that I got there, you guys were talking ... about me." "So you heard everything that I said?" "I did. That is why I was up all night. I was thinking about this. I want this so bad. But I don't want anyone to think that I thought of this video idea just to snag one of you guys. That is not why I wanted to do this." I explained. "Well, I didn't think that. And I know that the other guys don't think that. We talked a lot about this. They wanted to make sure that I wasn't just lonely. I assured them that I wasn't. I saw something when I looked at you, something that I want to get to know." he told me. I turned to look at AJ. I knew that I wanted to be with him at that very moment. I took his face in my hands and guided his lips to me. At the last second we both closed our eyes and wrapped our arms around each other. That first real kiss was the best one that I had ever experienced. His lips were so soft, his little mustache tickled just a little, but enough to make the kiss more sensual. His tongue darted into my mouth, learning every crevice. We kissed for what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes when we finally parted. "So does this mean that you guys are dating?" we heard from behind us. We both turned and looked to find the rest of the guys watching us. "Yeah, it does." I whispered. They all jumped over to AJ, whooping and congratulating him. "Good choice you guys." Brian said. "Should we be planning a wedding?" Nick laughed, to which we both shook our heads. "What about a bed big enough for the both of you?" Kevin hinted. "Uh ... no ... not at this
time." I stated jumping up and walking back to AJ's bunk. I had
just acknowledged these feelings for AJ, I couldn't even start to think
about sex. Although, the more it ran through my head, the more I was
beginning to like the idea of falling asleep and waking up in his arms. "Kevin is sorry about that. He didn't think before he said it. I am not going to pressure you into anything that you don't want." he said "I know. I just kind of freaked out. I'm not mad or anything. This is all just new to me. I haven't had a boyfriend for a while, let alone a famous one. You'll have to bear with me." I finished with a yawn. I was suddenly tired again. "I will. Are you tired?" As I nodded my head, AJ moved around so that he was behind me. He gently pulled me down and wrapped his arms around me. It felt so right, I instantly fell asleep.
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