FINDING LOVE OVER THE NET

Chapter 3 

I literally stopped breathing. Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys just told me that he was in love with me. These sorts of things don’t happen to me. The last love of my life was over two years ago. I vowed then to never fall in love again.

“Jade, say something.” Brian urged.

“Brian, I don’t know what to say. I certainly never expected this. What do the rest of the guys have to say about this? Do they know?”

“Kev knows. We had a long talk the day before I left. I just had these feelings about you when we started talking.” Brian took my face in his hands, “From what I have seen and felt so far, you are everything I need.”

I looked into Brian’s eyes, there was so much love there, but was it for me, or was I just a replacement for Leighanne? I took a deep breath and started, “Brian, since you are being honest here, I guess I should be as well. I have been in love with you for two and a half years.” I saw the stunned look on Brian’s face, I held his hands in mine, “I should have told you right off the bat, but I wanted us to have a friendship. I didn’t want to be just another fan.” I released his one hand and trailed my finger over his scar again, “When you had your surgery, I took two days off work and sat at home waiting for news about you. I cried when I heard that you were okay.” Now as I told Brian how I felt, I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, one escaped. Brian reached up gently and wiped it away. “When I sent you that first e-mail, I never expected you to respond. I know that you came here mostly to get over Leighanne, are you sure that this is what you want?”

I didn’t really want to know that answer. I had put my heart on the line, just as much as Brian had. The answer that Brian gave me, was all I needed to give this a shot, “With all that I have, I have never wanted anything more.” he whispered. He leaned into me and kissed me so passionately, I had no doubts about his feelings for me. We lay under the covers, feeding one another the nachos. Brian handed one to me, “Jade, do you want to know what happened with Leighanne?”

I finished my mouthful, “Only if you want to tell.”

Brian was quiet as he finished his machos, he took a deep breath and started, “You know how we met, I told you about that.” I nodded my head, “Things were going good for the first couple of years. She got along with everyone, my family loved her. Over the last year, she started to change. She used to always come on tour with us. Suddenly she didn’t want to anymore. She told me she wanted to work on her career. No problem. I can certainly understand that. I trusted her. Every time I tried to call her, the answering service would say she wasn’t available. She was always on auditions. I let it go. I didn’t think I had anything to worry about.” He paused to take a drink.

“She cheated on you?” I asked.

Brian didn’t answer me right away. “Just before the end of our last tour, I called her in LA and asked her if she would come to the last few shows. She hesitated but then said she would. The day before she was to arrive, Nick’s mom called me. I thought it was odd, but then she told me that I was like another son to her and she hated to tell me this. She saw Leighanne at a store. With a guy, they were very chummy. When Leighanne arrived the next day, I waited until we were alone and the I confronted her.”

“What’d she say?” I wondered. I was sitting up on the bed wrapped in a blanket.

Brian reached over and tweaked my nose, “You are impatient aren’t you?” I smiled at him and reached for his hand. “At first she denied it, but then after a little screaming, she said that she had met someone and wanted to be with him. I couldn’t believe it, I was in shock. Then I made a mistake and asked her when it happened.” Again Brian paused, I knew it was something bad. I crawled over to him and wrapped him in my arms. “Two days before my surgery. As soon as she told me that I told her to get the hell out of my life. I never wanted to see her again. That was the last I have seen or heard of her.”

I pushed myself up on one elbow and looked at Brian, there was a single tear falling down his cheek. I brushed it away lightly, “Brian, I don’t know where we are going with this relationship, but I promise you, I will never hurt you like that.” I leaned in and placed my lips on his.

Brian deepened the kiss and reached for me. We made love again that night, then again the next morning and every day after that. Brian and I spent long hours talking and discovering things about one another. We took a trip to the mountains and walked hand in hand on the trails. Brian was recognized a few times, but for the most part he was left alone. We fell in love faster than we knew. By the time Brian had to leave to go back home, we were both dreading saying goodbye.

The day did arrive when he was going back home, no matter what we did to try and stop it. The night before, we turned off the phone and spent it cuddled in front of the TV. We made a light dinner together, and then made love all night. I cried as I thought of Brian leaving the next day.

“What’s the matter?” He asked as he wiped away another tear.

“I don’t want you to leave.” I whispered.

Brian was quiet for a while as though he was thinking about something. “Jade?”

“Hmmm.”

“Why don’t you come with me?”

“What?” I sat up looking at Brian.

“Come home with me.” He said seriously.

“Brian, I can’t do that. I have a home here, a job, and friends. I can’t just pack up and leave.” I explained.

“You are only renting, it doesn’t take much to leave that. You can get another job, I can see if there is anything that is open as far as working for me. Or I can just support you. And you can keep in touch with your friends over the net.” Brian was sitting on his knees, his excitement about his idea apparent in his eyes.

I jumped off the bed, “Brian, I can’t just leave my life. I have been here for 26 years. I have never lived in another city. And I most certainly will not have you supporting me.” I turned to look at him, “We have only been together for two weeks, what makes you think this is right?”

Brian joined me beside the bed, “Because I can feel it here.” He said putting my hand over his heart. “No matter how much I deluded myself with Leighanne, I never had that feeling. I’ve had you in my life for two weeks straight, I don’t wanna live with out you. Come home with me.” He begged.

“Let me think about it. This is a big decision. I need time to evaluate it.” I replied.

Brian seemed happy with that. At least I was going to consider it. “That’s all I can ask for.” He sidled up to me, “Can I encourage your positive thoughts in the mean time?”

I smiled at him. “What did you have in mind Mr. Littrell?” Brian spent the rest of the night showing me.

When I woke the next morning it was before Brian. His plane was supposed to leave just before noon, we had a few hours until he had to leave for the airport, once again he didn’t want me going to the airport. He wanted his last glance of me being a happy one. Just as when he arrived I was sitting on my couch, thinking about what I was going to do. Could I really move to another country for some one that I hardly knew? Granted I had gotten to know Brian fairly well over the last two weeks, but is this were my life was leading me?

I was in love with Brian, I couldn’t run away from that. If he left now and I knew that I wouldn’t ever see him again, I knew that the last two weeks were the best of my life. But on the other hand, he would be taking my heart with him on the plane to Kentucky. I wanted to spend my life with him, but was I ready to move in with him after two weeks? I would have to, I didn’t know anyone in Florida. And what would happen when they went on tour?

Then there was the thought that for the last two and a half years, I have been in love with Brian from afar. I never expected the day to come when we would actually meet. I had dreams and fantasies about him, did I want to experience them?

“Of course you do, you fool. Millions of girls would kill to be in your shoes. Brian Littrell is in your bed. He wants to be with you. Why are you even thinking about it?” I asked myself aloud. I was being handed my dream on a platter, a chance to be with Brian. Not many people had that opportunity.

It would be another hour of things being thrown back and forth in my head before I came to a decision. I was starting to make some breakfast when Brian came out into the kitchen. As I saw him, looking sleepy, in his boxers and grey T-shirt, his hair sticking up in various places, I knew that I had made the right one.

“Morning love.” He said kissing me lightly on the cheek.

“Morning to you. How did you sleep?” I asked.

“Wonderful, until I realized that you were gone. I don’t know how I am going to sleep with out you.” He replied as he sat at the table glancing through the paper.

I took a deep breath, this was as good a time as any to tell him. “What makes you think that you have to sleep without me?”

Brian turned around and looked at me, “You’re gonna come home with me?” I nodded. Brian jumped up and ran over to me, he lifted me up and hugged me, “You won’t regret it. I promise.”

I was laughing at his enthusiasm, “I love you Brian.”

After that, things were moving so fast, I sometimes forgot who I was. Brian and I decided that he would have his time with his family and then I would join him back in Florida after that. He was going to inform Kevin and Howie that I was moving in. We had called the guys a few days before Brian left and told them what had happened. They were thrilled that he had moved on with his life. Kevin and Howie had no problems with me moving into the house that they all shared.

I used the time that Brian was in Kentucky with his family to prepare my family and to give my notice at work. I had some how managed to let Brian talk me into letting him pay my rent for awhile until we were sure that it was going to work out. This way I still had a place to come home to. I spent my time at home packing everything that I would need. Which basically was just my clothes and books and memories and my computer. I shipped everything but a few clothes two days before I left.

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