FINDING LOVE OVER THE NET

Chapter 1 

I couldn’t believe my luck. I hadn’t intended for this to turn out this way. When I sent that e-mail, I was doing it just to be a nice person and to let him know that there was someone out there that was thinking of him. But of course, I wasn’t going to turn it away.

I was sitting in my living room waiting, I had everything ready for his arrival. He should be here in just under an hour. There was music playing on the stereo, but I wasn’t really listening to it. I still had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.

When I refer to “him,” I mean Brian Littrell. The Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. My life revolved around what he did, where he was, what happened to him. Two years ago when he had his heart surgery, I holed myself up in my rented townhouse waiting to hear what his status was.

I had discovered the Backstreet Boys two and a half years ago. The first time that I saw Brian was while I was watching Much Music, they were playing the song that made them huge over in North America, Quit Playing Games With My Heart. I flipped to Much and there was Brian, in all his glory. Blonde hair, blue eyes, that jaw line. It was love at first site well for me anyway.

I followed the guys over the next two and a half years. Anything that dealt with them, I knew about it. I had a wall full of videotapes that had nothing but Backstreet Boys on them. I had met several other fans over the internet and had pen pals all over the world. I was crushed when they announced their Into the Millennium tour and it only included three dates in Canada. All of which were in the East. I lived in the West. I sucked it up though and waited patiently for them to announce another tour that would bring them to my province.

I had never been jealous of Brian’s girlfriend, Leighanne. I wanted him to be happy. And if he was happy with her, then I was happy. Of course I would have been happier if he was with me, but he didn’t even know that I existed, how was that going to happen?

My grandfather clock struck the half-hour. My eyes glanced over at the clock, watching the hands even though they didn’t visible move. Brian would be at my front door in thirty minutes. Alone. I got up and walked to the bathroom. Checking my hair, making sure that everything was still where it was supposed to be. I went back to the living room and stood at the window. I wasn’t watching for Brian, I was just remembering.

I have to admit when I first heard that Leighanne had broken up with Brian. I was thrilled. If I could just meet him, I knew that he would fall in love with me. But then I realized what it must have done to Brian. He was a serious person at times and him and Leighanne had been together for a long time. Everyone was sure that they would get married.

I was in a sappy mood the night I sent that e-mail to Brian. It was a Saturday night and I just didn’t feel like going anywhere. So I stayed home, read my favorite Danielle Steel, watched a bunch of movies that always made me cry and listened to all the slow songs that I had. At around three in the morning, I decided to get on-line and see what was happening. I didn’t go to any chat rooms, had no interest in them. I did a search and found a site that was offering support to Brian through his break up.

That’s when I decided to e-mail him. I figured why should I put something on this site when I could e-mail him at the official Backstreet site? I quickly typed up a little letter giving him some advice. I was sure that he wouldn’t get it, but I felt better after having sent it. I also knew that he was going to be getting advice from everyone he knew, he definitely didn’t need it from a complete stranger. The last thing that I put in the letter was that if he ever wanted to just talk to someone that knew how to be impartial, he just had to ask. I was there for him.

I didn’t hear anything for a few days and then one day I went on line when I got home from work. I was expecting a letter from Hanka and was anxious to see if there was one there. I hooked up quickly and was happy to see that indeed there was a letter from Hanka. But there was also one from blittrell@netscape.net. I sat there shaking my head, Hanka’s letter forgotten. There was no way that he would write back. I had heard that he didn’t even go on the net.

I opened the e-mail and read the contents. Either someone was playing a nasty trick on me, or it really was Brian. He told me how he appreciated the offer that I made and he would love to talk to someone that was just willing to listen. Boy could I listen!

I read his e-mail again and quickly wrote a reply. I didn’t give him any advice this time, I told him a little about myself and that I was happy to help him through this tough time. I told him of some experiences that I had with dating and even though everyone was going to tell him that he would get over it, it was going to take time. I was a little hesitant in sending this one, what if it wasn’t Brian? Then I figured what the hell? If it wasn’t Brian then someone was going to get a good laugh at my expense. Wouldn’t be the first time.

As it turned out it was Brian. I asked a few questions and he was able to answer them in a way that told me that he was the genuine article. We went back and forth several times over the past few months. I didn’t get a reply right away most of the time because he was in the middle of a tour. But we got to know one another and I could feel the change that had come over him as he got over Leighanne. It was probably about three months after we started talking that Brian asked for my phone number. I wasn’t sure if I should be handing my number over the internet, but Brian assured me that it would be safe. A week later he called me.

I was sitting in front of the TV, catching up on what was going on with Friends and my phone rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I looked at the caller ID that I had and noticed it said “Out of Area.” The slight thought went through my head that it could have been Brian so I quickly snatched up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Jade?” A male voice said.

“Speaking.” I replied.

“It’s Brian. How are you?”

My heart dropped to my feet. He had actually called. I couldn’t believe it. “Brian, I’m fine, how are you?”

“Not bad. What’s new?” He asked.

“Not much. Just been working every day, coming home and vegging. What’s up with you? Where are you guys tonight?” I wondered. I knew that the tour was almost over and that Brian was looking forward to having some time off and really getting over Leighanne.

“Good question,” He laughed, “We are just leaving LA. I think we are heading down to Vegas tonight. We are working our way back to Florida. Should be there in about a week.”

I waited for him to tell me the reason why he was calling, but it never came. He just continued to make small talk. “Hey Brian, I don’t mean to be rude, but did you just call to talk? I mean you must want to talk with family or something.”

Brian was quiet for a minute, I was afraid that I had hurt his feelings. Just as I was starting to apologize, he spoke, “No, it actually wasn’t a good night. I didn’t want to talk with the guys or family, I just wanted someone that would listen.”

His voice had changed a little, he sounded sadder. “What happened Bri?” I only called him “Bri” when he was upset.

“It happened in the middle of the show. There I was center stage, we were doing As Long As You Love Me and I glanced out into the audience. There was a girl that caught my eye, about four rows back, just off to the right. She looked so much like Leighanne. I shook my head and looked again, it was Leighanne. I didn’t think that she would come to the show. But she did. The worst part was that she had a date.”

I heard his voice crack as he said the words. I hated her for what she was doing to Brian. Brian and I had become close since we started talking over the net. It was easy to do. You weren’t being judge by anything, you just could talk. I knew that it would have almost killed him to see her with another man. “How could she be so harsh as to actually go to the show with someone else? What a bitch.” I said before I realized what had slipped out. “Sorry Brian. I didn’t mean that.”

“No, that’s okay. I’m glad that someone said it. Jade, when is it going to stop hurting to see her?”

“You know what Brian, it takes a long time.” I paused for a minute, “I think it took me almost a year to get over Michael. But then again, he was my first and that is always harder.”

“I don’t know if I can make it through the next year.” He said sounding even sadder.

“Brian, look at what you have done with your life. You have made millions of girls’ swoon over the sound of your voice, me included. This is a tiny little step in your path. This you can handle. It just takes time. What you need to do is get away from everything. I mean everywhere you go, you have reminders of her. She toured with you guys off and on, certain things remind you of that. You need to go somewhere, where she won’t find you and there is no memories of her.” I told him frankly.

“I could come and see you.” He announced. I was quiet, he wanted to come and see me? “Jade? Are you still there?”

“You want to come here? To see me?”

“Sure. It would be perfect. The couple of times that we were in Edmonton, she didn’t come with us. There are no memories of her there and we could finally meet. It would be nice to put a face to the person that I have been talking with all these months.” Brian explained. I could hear the excitement in his voice. Was it just at the thought of meeting me?

“Brian, I don’t know. I mean . . . ” I started. I would welcome him with open arms, but was this really what he needed?

“Come on Jade. It would be fun. No one would recognize me. You don’t actually live in Edmonton. We wouldn’t be seen. There is no press there, we wouldn’t be followed and so what if we were, it would give Leighanne a taste of her own medicine. As soon as we are done this tour, we are done for a month before anything else comes up. I could come as soon as the last show is done. I could stay with you for a couple of weeks and then go and see my family.” The more that Brian talked, the more excited he got. The more he talked, the more I liked the idea. A chance to be with Brian, alone without the rest of the guys or a manager or a crew of some sort or a girlfriend. Just him and I.

"Sure Brian, why don’t you come on up. We will just kick back and relax. I have some holiday time coming. I will take a couple of weeks off so that we can just . . . forget.” I finished.

--> chapter 2

[ Home ] [ Up ]