OF ALL THE CAMPSITES, IN ALL THE WORLD

Chapter 8 

I couldn’t believe how smoothly things went. We got the video together and it went out and the fans loved it. Kevin and I had been dating for two years by this time and living together for one. Brian and Leighanne were waiting for their first child to be born. Ally and AJ had gotten married and Nick had asked Hani to marry him. Howie had moved out of the house with Chloe and they were living nearby. Kevin and I had the house to ourselves. I was getting a little impatient with Kevin, wondering if he saw us together forever. I was never sure how to bring the subject up.

I let things go for another year before I told Kevin how I felt. Hani and Nick had been married a week and were on their honeymoon. Brian and Leighanne had just found out that she was having another baby and Ally and AJ had, had their first three months prior. I saw all the people around me getting on with their lives and I wasn’t moving. I was stuck in Kevin’s house, just as his girlfriend. I was at work the day that I snapped.

I was sitting at my desk looking over some new ideas for some promotion when my phone rang. “Hello.” I said not really paying attention.

“Syd, it’s me Chloe.” I heard from the other end.

“Hey Clo, what’s up?” I asked.

“How would you like to be a bridesmaid?” My head snapped up and stared into space. “Syd, are you there?”

“Yeah, you and Howie are getting married?”

“Yeah, he asked me last night. I have Hani, Ally and Leighanne as my other attendants, but I want to know if you will be one too.” She gushed.

“Of course I will.” That was actually the last thing that I wanted. But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. “You name the date and time and I am there babe.” I made it sound as though there was someone at my door. “Oh Clo, I gotta go, we will talk later okay?”

“Sure no problem Syd.” She finished and hung up.

I slowly placed the phone in the cradle and turned my chair to the window. Why wouldn’t Kevin propose to me? All of his friends were married, a couple with their own families. I wasn’t getting any younger and for that matter neither was Kevin. If he wanted to have a family we had to get things going. Did he not love me enough to marry him? And for the first time since I had moved in with Kevin, I thought of Chuck. Maybe he didn’t want to be with someone that was damaged?

Kevin was supposed to come and pick me up for dinner. This was how he found me. “Hey beautiful. How was your day?” Kevin asked as he walked through the door.

When I didn’t answer him, he looked at me across my desk. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Howie and Clo are getting married.” I said, not looking at him, my eyes still looking outside.

“Yeah, Howie told me this morning. Isn’t it great?” He asked, not really noticing how I sounded.

I turned to him then, “Kevin, doesn’t it bother you that you are the only one not married? We have been together as long as Nick and Hani and Ally and AJ. Longer than Howie and Clo and we are the last ones not married.” I pointed out.

“So. What’s wrong with the way things are?” He wondered.

“Kevin, I want to have a family. Don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” He replied.

“Then why are we waiting to get married? Do you not love me enough? Do you not want to be with someone that is damaged?” I pushed.

Kevin was quiet, too quiet for too long. I stood up and grabbed my coat and keys, “You can have dinner alone.” I said.

I left the office and went home. I grabbed the first suitcase that I saw and quickly threw some things in it. I ran down the stairs, tears falling down my face, I got into my truck and left. I wasn’t going to leave Kevin. I loved him with everything that I had, but I wanted to be sure that I was what he wanted. I headed for the Hilton and got the best suite that they had. I got inside and cried even harder. I hadn’t called anyone, so no one knew where I was. My cell phone was ringing every five minutes, so I eventually turned it off. Then my pager started to go, I turned that off as well. If it was Kevin, I didn’t want to talk with him yet. I wanted him to think about what I meant to him.

I knew that he loved me, there was no doubt about that. But how much was my question? Was it enough for him to spend the rest of his life with me? I hadn’t moved down here on a whim, I thought that we were going to be together forever. I wanted to be with him, there was no doubt in my mind about that. But why didn’t he?

I must have fallen asleep while I was crying because when I opened my eyes, it was pitch black. I sat up and stretched, my body was sore from the position I was in and weak from crying. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was one o’clock in the morning. I picked up the phone and dialed room service.

“Yes, is the kitchen still open?” I asked when they picked up.

“Yes Ma’am, what would you like?” The other voice said.

“Just something light, a garden salad with Italian dressing, a club sandwich and a glass of sprite. I am in room 412, please just put it on my bill.” I requested.

“Yes Ma’am, it will be about twenty minutes.”

“Thank you.” I hung up the phone and went to check my pager. Kevin had called at least two dozen times. I noticed that Ally’s number was on there a few times as was Hani’s, Leighanne’s and Chloe’s. I erased them all and then picked up my phone. I quickly checked my voicemail and heard that Kevin had called that a dozen times and had gotten the other guys to call as well. Just as I putting the phone down, there was a knock at the door.

It was room service. I knew that it wouldn’t have been Kevin, there was no way that he would be able to find out where I was. I tipped the waiter and then took everything outside and sat quietly looking out at the ocean. The Hilton that I choose was right on the ocean, so the breeze was perfect and the ocean smell came right up to me, making me forget. It was three o’clock by the time that I went back inside, I rolled the cart over to the door and just as I was opening the door Brian was on the other side, getting ready to knock.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I demanded, not letting him in.

“We’ve been looking for you all night. We each took a section of the city, hoping that you hadn’t left all together.” Brian explained. “Can I come in?”

It was on the tip of my tongue to say no, but something in Brian’s eyes told me that I should let him in. I stepped to the side and he walked past me to the living room. “I don’t feel like talking Brian.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to, just listen.” He started. “Kevin told me what happened, you aren’t going to just leave are you?” I shook my head no and he continued, “That’s good, Kevin loves you with every thing that he is. He doesn’t want you to leave.”

The questions I had suddenly wanted to come out. “But what about making a commitment to me Brian? We have been together for three years, living together for two. Everyone around us is getting on with their lives and I am stuck just living with Kevin. It makes me wonder.” I confessed.

“Wonder about what?” Brian asked.

“Does he love me enough to marry me? Does he really want to be with some one that is damaged from some lunatic in her past?” I announced looking him right in the eyes.

Brian was surprised, “I thought that you were over Chuck?”

I cackled wickedly, “Don’t kid yourself Brian, that is something that you never get over. Why would he want to marry someone that has been taken advantage off in that way? It is a sign of weakness.”

“Sydney, what’s going on? Why are you talking like this?” Brian questioned.

I turned my head from him so that he wouldn’t see me cry, “I don’t know. It is just things that are in my head. I have had to think of why Kevin doesn’t want to marry me. This is what I came up with.”

Brian got off the chair that he was in and sat beside me on the couch, “Sydney, you are not a weak person. Look at how you handled being fired two years ago. You decided to start over and you are doing a wonderful job for us. And I know for a fact that Kevin doesn’t consider you damaged. He loves you...”

I got him off there, “Then why won’t he marry me?” A fresh set of tears fell.

Brian took me in his arms and held me as I cried. I had hugged Brian before, but this time it felt different. Almost like something had changed for us, we had become even closer than we were before. Brian stopped talking and quietly sang to me, one of my favorite songs, All I Have To Give. Even though all the guys had a part in it, it sounded so good coming from Brian.

“He will marry you Sydney, you just have to be patient. He wants to make sure that he is doing the right thing.” Brian said softly.

“After three years, if he doesn’t know that by now, he never will.” I whispered.

“He will.” Brian assured me.

I sat up and looked at Brian. I am sure I looked horrible with having cried all night. When Brian looked back at me, there was that feeling of a change between us again. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I put my hands on his face and pulled him to me. Our lips touched and I felt a warmth run through me. Brian’s arms went around me, pulling me close to him. We kissed each other with a fervor that neither of us had ever known. I reached between us and pulled his sweater over his head, taking the T-shirt with it. As I moved my hands over his skin, an even deeper warmth washed over me, as though every thing was going to be okay and Brian was the only one to make it that way.

I felt a cooling sensation glide across my own skin, Brian was taking my own shirt off. It was then that I realized what I was doing. I moved my head to the side, leaving the security of Brian’s lips, “Brian, what are we doing?”

Brian stared at me for a split second then dropped his head onto my shoulder, catching his breath. “I don’t know, I’m sorry.” He whispered.

I wrapped my arms around Brian and hugged him tightly, “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one that started it.” I was quiet for another minute, “I love you Brian. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too Sydney.” He whispered and sat back on the couch, stretching out and sighing heavily.

As I pulled my shirt back on, I noticed Brian’s scar from his heart surgery all those years before. I gently ran my finger over it, “I was worried about you when you had this done.” I said.

Brian chuckled a little, “So was half the world.”

I couldn’t help myself, I scooted over on the couch and snuggled into Brian, “What was it like?” I asked.

“What, the surgery?”

“Yeah.”

“It was very scary. Even though I knew that it was very routine and that I had the best doctors and everything, I was scared. Having all my family around made things easier, but to be honest, there was a moment of doubt in my head that I shouldn’t be doing it. That something bad was going to happen.” He told me.

“Like what?”

I felt Brian shrug his shoulders, his one arm that was around my own shoulders, dropped down and rubbed my arm. “I don’t know. Part of me thought that something was going to go wrong and I was going to die. Another part thought that something else would go wrong and I would be brain damaged or something like that. But then the biggest part felt as though everything would be fine. I am glad that it is over with. I hope that I never had to do it again.” He confessed.

“I do too.” I replied.

Brian tightened his grip on me and squeezed me. “We should call Kevin and let him know that I found you. He is going to be worried.”

“No, I don’t want him to know yet. I just want to be here with you.” I said. I could feel myself growing tired, I glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was after four in the morning. “Do you need to get back to Leighanne?”

“No, but everyone is worried, at least let me call one of the other guys to tell them that you are okay. I won’t tell them where we are. I’ll stay with you until you are ready to go back to Kevin.” Brian promised.

I thought for a minute. “Okay, but call Nick, with your cell phone.”

Brian got off the couch and went to his jacket to get his cell phone. He dialed Nick and waited. “Hey Frack, it’s me ... Yeah I found her ... No she’s not ready yet. Listen can you call Kevin and tell him that she is fine, I will bring her home in a little while. Thanks man.” He finished.

I hadn’t moved from my spot on the couch and once Brian returned, I cuddled into him again and fell asleep. He held me tight as we both slept. For whatever reason I dreamt of Brian that night and how nice it was to have him near me. I remembered his kiss and how good it felt. When I woke a few hours later, I saw that Brian was still asleep, I carefully crawled away from him and went to make a cup of tea. One of the perks of having the best suite. I went out onto the balcony and sat down, watching the early morning surfers and swimmers in the distance.

“Morning.” I heard from behind me.

“Morning. How did you sleep?” I asked.

“Good. You.”

“Same. There’s some coffee in the bar if you want.” I said. Brian left for a bit then and made himself a cup of coffee, returning a few minutes later. “Brian, about what happened last night.” I started.

“Don’t worry about it. It was the moment.” Brian kept his eyes to the beach, “It was nice though.”

“Very.” I replied. “Do we tell Kevin and Leighanne? I mean, what if we hadn’t stopped?”

“I don’t think that we need to tell them. Nothing happened, it was just a kiss. And we did stop, that is what matters. I don’t think anyone has to know. It will be our secret.” Brian finished as he reached over for my hand.

I turned my head to look at him, “Brian?”

“Yeah.”

“Did it mean anything to you?” I asked honestly.

Brian was quiet as he looked back at me, “Yes it did. It meant a lot and I will remember always. You?”

“More than I think that it should.” I confessed.

“Why is that?” He wondered.

“Well, I mean you are the cousin of the man that I am in love with and living with. Not to mention one of his best friends. How could I do that to him?”

“You did nothing. We did it. Could you imagine what would happen if Leighanne found out?” Brian finished.

We grew silent again, just watching the ocean, “Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t really want you to stop.” I whispered.

Brian turned to me, a mixture of surprise and understanding on his face. “You didn’t?”

I shook my head, “Besides Kevin you were my favorite member of the group. I still wonder what it would be like to be with you in that way.” I confessed.

Brian stood up and reached his hand out to me, cautiously, I took it and followed Brian back inside. He took my tea mug and placed it on the table, then turned back to me. Brian placed his hands on my face and pulled me to him. Our lips met like the night before. Brian wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

I didn’t want to pull away from him, “Brian…” I started. He kept me silent with his lips. He guided me to the bed. Slowly he lowered us on to it, making sure that I was comfortable. Brian was so gentle as he undressed us both, we were both caught up in the heat of the moment that we shared on the balcony and didn’t want to stop what we knew we shouldn’t be doing.

Brian was only the second man I had ever made love to. It made me understand that not everyone was like Chuck. Brian and I stayed in bed for a long time, just learning one another and forgetting about the outside world.

Finally after we both lay spent, Brian’s arms around me, we spoke, “Brian, I love you.”

“I love you too Sydney. Don’t feel bad. I wanted this just as much.” He said,

I pushed myself up on my arm, “I feel no regret.” I assured him with a kiss.

I ordered up some room service and Brian and I talked like never before. I revealed things to him that I had never spoken with to anyone. Mostly about Chuck and Kevin. We had grown closer through this and I knew that our secret would be kept between the two of us.

After lunch, Brian followed me back to the house, where everyone had converged to wait and hear about me. As soon as they heard our cars in the driveway, they were all at the front door. Kevin came rushing over to me as I got out of my truck and took me in his arms, promising that he was never going to let me think that he didn’t love me. Because he did with all his heart. I told him that I was sorry for taking off like I did, but I needed time to myself. Everyone left, couple by couple. Brian and Leighanne were the last to leave. He left me with a small kiss on the cheek, a big hug and a knowing wink.

--> chapter 9

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